Being Me

Somewhere in the middle of this huge life of mine, I have forgotten myself. I feel lost between my work, my family who don’t live with me, my boyfriend who is ambitious and starting out his career and my friends who just seem to have a life of their own. Even when I am alone I am not thinking about myself.

Just yesterday I sat back and gave this a thought. I felt lost in my own world and trust me it didn’t feel great. I wanted to just leave everything…and go where...Duh!

A few friends noticed all of it somehow. Some advice here and there…and I felt like I was getting on the track again. I know that people are not as important that it takes away me from myself. I have decided to de-clutter my life. Have decided to take a break from others. Just want to live a life where I think about myself. I feel good about myself and just shut away from people and their placements.

Feels good…yes.

Taking up a hobby is the first step. Nurturing it is the other. Spending time with “me” is another agenda and not bothering much about things is the most important one.

My state of mind is such that I feel like just avoid all those who have taken me for granted. For starters at least am thinking of myself.

The point here to this article is to identify a problem and sorting it out. The point here is then just ME.

To Give....

Well life is difficult when you fall in love!!

Yeah I know it’s a very different way of looking at things but trust me I am totally in love but at the same time have learnt how life takes its twists and turns.

As an avid reader love stories in books always seemed a distant experience till the summer of 2007. This was also the time when I had decided that I had to make something of my life. Something worthwhile. Had taken up a job in an advertising agency and loved it. Life was looking good when I met Rohit, not that it has stopped looking good but yeah I know how to make things look good.

Well this literary piece is not for my boyfriend and certainly not a love piece. It’s about life and how we just have so much to absorb from it. It’s been almost a year now and I still struggle to understand the emotions that my boyfriend goes through. He is presently in a b-school and his placement season is on. For me this is a very new season to experience. There is lot of tension lot of frustration and a lot of work. So basically it means that I almost have to be the omniscient girlfriend who should be there when you need her but she should be in your way. She should love you, enjoy your moments of glory and abuse the companies that didn’t take you. I know and I trust that he will be placed but I still need to participate in his anticipation of a job. Its huge it’s so big right now that he talks walks and eats his placements. Initially I was irritated and it took me a lot of time to get to terms with this fact. I had after all fallen for an ambitious guy. I had fallen for someone who had it in him to make it big. And today I had to be his support system. I had be the catalyst that would help him go on forever in his journey. I knew that there would be times when he would have no time to listen to my cribbing sessions. But yeah I always knew that.

That past one week has taught me to look at the bigger picture. To look at the fact that this guy speaks to only me when he gets time. He discusses not only his happiness but also his fears, he is someone who thinks am the best thing for him in his life. He is someone ho makes me laugh even when he has had a bad day at the placements. He tries so hard to keep up with my tantrums. At the end of it I have learnt that his ambitions are not only his. I am proud to be with him

And if I had promised some roses then I guess the thorns were always part of it.

Why do women expect so much? I am being an anti- feminist when I say that I will support him. I am there for him because he has and will be there for me when I go through similar moments of tension.

I don’t know why but am happy that I am experiencing these small doses of tensions. Makes us equipped to withstand the harsh times we are going to see. Also it makes me learn to grow up. It teaches me to take small steps at a time and to live in reality.

Relationships need a lot of commitment and only if you are game for that, should one get into it. They have the capability to make a good human being. Also one should not get lost in between things. A relationship doesn’t mean that we give everything into it. It means we retain ourselves and give our best into it!

Am still learning…..

With a pinch of salt and lemon….

Most of life’s problems are solved at the bar next door!!!

Had a bad day with the client…lets go out for a drink with the team and cut the client apart.

Had an awesome presentation….oh wow lets celebrate the win!!

Had a bad fight with your spouse…go to a friend’s place and yeah my child, pick up beer on your way!

Got your MBA degree from a top notch Business school….celebrate with a Champaign!

Daddy dear is worried about his child’s growing age and changing lifestyle….lets discuss it over a drink!

Boss wants to sack you….lets discuss an issue over a drink!!!

It’s funny, but true. The psychology behind all the above gesture is very simple. A person behaves the best when they are drunk. Their stammering senses don’t allow them pretend and this pulls them out of the mask they usually have.

People who don’t drink …continue to live under the pretence and are never able to leave it. So I would suggest a shot a day once in a while won’t be an offence!!!

Cheers!!

Why does good news come in whispers….!!!

Well, have been part of a very patriotic family. And on the eve of our Republic Day, I finally feel like I belong to the nation. Well this particular piece is solely dedicated to my dad.

The day began with its usual monotony. There was something about the air though. I got to office and started the Friday morning with a bang. Felt like finishing off work, as it kept coming my way. I got into a meeting and then a discussion. It suddenly felt like a Monday morning. I felt like people just suddenly came to know about my existence.

Suddenly my mobile rang and I felt really irritated as I was too occupied to answer calls. But then I realised it was my dad. I am not used to getting calls from my dad. Am not used to getting calls at that hour from my family either. So many thoughts kept running into my mind and most of them were negative. I sceptically took the call and meekly said a hello. My dad sounded stern as ever but there was a sense of excitement in his voice. A sense of enthusiasm, a sense of content as well. He asked me “do you want to hear good news?” and my obvious answer to it was yes. Well to kill the not so building suspense for you guys, he had been given the vishisht sewa medal. I was elated but at the same time suddenly everything seemed to make sense. Everything looked worthwhile. I felt so proud of dad. Suddenly all those parent’s teacher’s meets without dad made sense. Suddenly my summer vacations without my dad disappeared. The sense of regret, complain and all those things I would otherwise have rattled out had just been erased. It made me proud to feel that dad was there for not just me but also for those millions of people who were part of the country.

My dad has been a hero figure for me all my life. He has set examples that I would love to follow. If today the country has recognised him, I feel good. I feel good to see a tear in his eye (which he tried very hard to hide!) for himself. It is a tear that shows the happiness when one has achieved the worth of one’s life. Suddenly my corporate life seems pointless. Money or no money, my dad has achieved a height I am proud of.

And time and again a question creeps into my soul…will I ever be like him? A promise I make today is that they way a child celebrates her father’s success, a child tomorrow should celebrate mine. I share my dad’s life today. Its been always for the country and probably will always be. I compete with the country for my dad’s attention. Alas! I always loose!